The Light Fantastic 6/23/2011 – 4/12/2020

My heart is just empty, I can’t believe my tiny Brightness is gone. She was my little black shadow, always right next to me, always being perfect, everyone’s best friend – including mine.

She had gone off her food while I was out in Idaho, but was still eating people food. I didn’t think that much of it, I came back and took her to the vet. Slight fever, bloodwork seemed to indicate a bit of an infection. Got some antibiotics and some bland food, she ate that fine and seemed quiet, but nothing to be concerned about. Couple days later, she was looking off again and stopped eating again – brought her in again, bloodwork was worse. Did some xrays, ultrasound and urinalysis, didn’t see anything. Started another antibiotic and she seemed to really improve – for a bit, then not eating again. Back to the vet, no more signs of infection, but some slightly elevated liver levels. Added another antibiotic and started leaving her at the vet to get fluids and antibiotics, with the assumption that the liver was stressed from the infection, but hopefully should improve if we could get her stabilized. It just never happened, she ended up going into organ failure.

She never stopped wagging her tail for me, even at at the very end. Bright was truly my special girl I loved her full body wags and toothy smiles. She could even smile with just her lips, and she would do it with these squishy eyes and it WAS smiling! Through all of this right up to the end she was still waiting at the door to go every day, jumping in and out of the car and would immediately spring up if I called her. It was so hard to think of her as so sick. Even this afternoon having the heavy talk with the vet and getting the information for in home euthanasia, she still just wagged away and jumped into the car. So I wanted to wait, to maybe see if a miracle would happen, she didn’t seem ready to me. We spend the afternoon snuggling on the couch together after making the euthanasia appointment for Monday. But just in the space of the evening she went to losing her ability to get on the couch, it was getting harder for her to walk and her abdomen was filling with fluid. My little hardcore girl couldn’t do it anymore, I took her to the emergency vet to let her go, she was ready.

I’ve never lost a dog so young, who seemed perfectly healthy in every way just a few weeks ago. I kept thinking she would be fine, I mean, why wouldn’t she? She was young and healthy and there was no reason she should be that sick. I was not even remotely ready to lose her, I had already seen her as an old dog in my mind. She was going to rule the household as an old crotchety lady.

Bright was, of course, the temporary puppy that was not supposed to stay, it wasn’t even a consideration – yet somehow she convinced us all. That’s the thing about Bright, life was better with Bright, for everyone, and she was always the EASIEST dog. Somehow she convinced me to let her stay, and I’ve never regretted it. A puppy that I would never have picked out for myself, because she wasn’t mine I learned to love her for all her quirkiness without any expectations of her to be anything other than who she was. And she was quirky, and dramatic and bitchy and moody and perfect at being Bright. All those traits that I found obnoxious in other female border collies were suddenly just adorable when Bright did them.

She certainly had her share of drama and angst when she was younger, but I absolutely adore the spunky and hilarious dog she grew up to be. I would have loved to her continue to evolve, even just recently she started changing her mind about things that she was TERRIFIED of for most of her life, like kids. Bright was London’s niece, and both of them were dogs that just got more and more awesome the older they got – and I lost both of them much too soon.

Bright loved her dogs, she might never have been a sheep herder, but she always loved to herd the other dogs. She also LOVED to tell other dogs what to do, it made her so happy to get to boss other dogs around. She loved her special games she had with Haku, and she was the dog that everyone played with (on her terms!). She was a good mom too, though maybe a little, uh, hands off. Her puppies didn’t seem to need a lot of discipline, thank goodness!

She was a cuddler, and a damn good one. She absolutely adored shoulder scratches and would grunt and make the cutest noises when she snuggled. She was always funny, every night she would be the first to cuddle while I read in bed – but as soon as the lights were off, she immediately got off. She liked her space! But wherever I was in the house, there she’d be, napping right by my feet or UNDER my computer chair, no matter how many times I accidentally rolled over her.

She was infinitely forgiving, she never held anything against you – which I was thankful for with the syringe feeding we were doing at the end. She was my dog, probably more than any of the other border collies, she was the one that would be by my side. I can’t imagine life without her constant companionship. I will miss her more than I can say, it doesn’t even feel real yet.

The boys are no help, they are oblivious and obnoxious. They live in the moment, which I think is one of the big differences between girls and boys. I know they will miss her, even if they don’t realize it yet.

I am thankful for the Corona virus, oddly enough. These last few weeks dealing with both teaching and Bright’s sickness would have been so difficult. I got to be there with her the entire time. We had some real good days in there that I’m very thankful for. I didn’t think they would be the last time we did those things, but I’m glad we had much time together as we did.

It’s funny how quiet it seems without her, she wasn’t a loud or demanding dog, but it’s like the boys don’t know what to do without her around. We went hiking today and Haku just carried his stick, no one was stealing it and then carrying it away to drop in the forest for him – Bright and Haku loved their stick games. But I saw Bright’s tail wag in Haku, and her sweetness in his eyes. I’m so thankful I have him right now.

I’m also thankful that Asher got to be raised by Bright, and she raised him to respect girls, that’s for sure – but they were also good friends. I don’t know what we’re going to do without her, it just hits in waves. Trying to figure out a new normal in a world that is already upside down at the moment. And because we never really knew what caused Bright’s issues, also super freaked out about any time the other dogs look the least bit off.

Bright has been with me through so much, and I was with her as well as she went through all her angst when she was younger. She was my ‘pet dog’ more than any of the others, my dog that was happy with whatever we were doing. You never know what the future might bring, so live it up while you can. I think she had a great life and we had so many adventures together – she was almost always with me, every day, wherever I went. She seemed happy, she was definitely loved and I hope she had the best life she could have had. I wanted 8 more years with her, but we don’t always get what we want.

I love you Bright, I always will – I miss you so much.